May 2017

May 19th, 2017

I’m really struggling with this blog. I actually bought another domain and posted two or three things there. I really thought I wanted another space that was separate from anyone from my past who might read this, but for some reason the other domain didn’t seem quite right and I’m back here. I don’t really know why.

I went through some rough periods, especially this winter, and so I didn’t want to share anything. I know I’ve said this but writing down negative things seems to make them stick with me longer. I don’t want my blog to be a place where all I do is complain. But maybe not writing anything negative at all isn’t right, either.

I started to have bad anxiety in October 2015 and I’ve been working through it and it’s been getting better. Sometimes it flares up and I’m not able to do much other than the bare minimum to get by. This winter was one of those times.

It only just started to look and feel like spring and then the temperature spiked and it feels like late summer. It’s overwhelming.

I wish I had the resources to make a musical scrapbook of my life. Songs take me back to a moment more precisely and immediately than anything else. I am finally going back and listening to some older music and remembering who I was, good and bad.

I am trying to be more understanding, but more selfish. Giving too much has worn me thin in many ways. I feel a strength in politely, directly, saying no.

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